Shared Transformation Issue 10
MISGUIDED ADVISORS
If you ever experience a serious illness or a personal crisis, you will probably be bombarded
with more advice than you can stand. Most people do mean well; they genuinely want to help. But good intentions
don't automatically confer wisdom, nor are they a barrier against unabashed arrogance. I am dismayed by how many
people -- especially those professing to be healers -- grievously overestimate their own expertise in matters of
health and spiritual well-being. When one is in pain or going through turbulent transformation, one is especially
vulnerable and in great need of trustworthy, competent helpers.
Deadend Doctors
I know firsthand that the physical, emotional and mental manifestations of transformation can be alarming, especially
if you don't understand what's going on. At some point in the process, most individuals seek help from the medical
profession. Unfortunately, traditional health workers who are familiar with, and able to recognize symptoms of
psychospiritual crisis are almost as hard to find as Bigfoot.
At the onset of my own awakening, my physical symptoms were so calamitous that I was in and out of the hospital for four months. I was tested for nearly everything under the sun, including cancer, diabetes and heart disease. Drawing a blank in every direction, my doctors shrugged off my illness as "probably nothing serious" and perhaps caused by an unidentified lingering virus.
But in this I was fortunate. Every one of the specialists who examined and tested me was a kind and sympathetic human being. Many individuals seeking medical help for psychospiritual symptoms are not so blessed. Spiritual emergence is such a bizarre and little known process that most M.D.s and too many in the mental health field dismiss it as imaginary. I have heard many stories of callous and contemptuous doctors who, failing to find a medical explanation for the illness, have accused patients of everything from secret drug addiction to hypochondria.
Aside from the ubiquitous virus diagnosis, another common medical catchall is stress. I
was initially told that stress was the likely cause of my breathing and swallowing difficulties. A woman I know
who was trying to explain the peculiar vibrating sensation in her body was assured by her doctor that this was
simply stress. While there are physicians who believe that stress can trigger physical illness, others seem to
use the word the way "psychosomatic" was once intended: "It's all in your head, get over it, nothing
is really happening to you." Frequently, transformational patients are given erroneous diagnoses. A young
man experiencing the typical Kundalini symptoms of convulsive body movements (kriyas), spontaneous vocalizations
(throat chakra opening) and bouts of emotional distress was diagnosed as having simultaneous "sub-epilepsy",
Tourette's syndrome, and bi-polar disorder. A woman undergoing a lengthy awakening was informed by a doctor that
she had "genetic psychosis". For eight years, another man had been having periodic episodes of psychic
experiences accompanied by headaches. This pattern is frequently encountered in sixth chakra openings. His psychiatrist
insisted the phenomena (which included hearing beautiful music and celestial voices in his mind) was entirely the
result of a head injury he sustained six years into this process! Those in the midst of difficult transformation
may be coerced into taking psychoactive medications. In some cases, short term use of these drugs may be necessary
for those in extremely dissociative altered states, particularly if they are in danger of harming themselves or
others. But in most instances, these medications are not required. Several people have told me that such drugs
have prolonged, complicated and even worsened the difficulties of their process.
Lost in the Maze
The metaphysical and alternative healing fields are more likely to acknowledge the possibility of spiritual emergence.
Yet even here, genuine firsthand knowledge of these processes is meager. When my doctors were unable to find
a medical cause for my illness, I sought other help. Although I was not yet consciously aware that my Kundalini
had risen, I strongly suspected there might be spiritual factors involved. I went to three different psychics
who gave me three different explanations for my sickness -- none of them accurate. When I realized that I was
having a Kundalini awakening and I began to seek information to help me understand and cope with it, I was faced
with a glut of occult, esoteric, metaphysical and other material which was often worse than useless. I attempted
to find a therapist who was knowledgeable, but everyone I spoke with made it obvious that s/he hadn't an inkling
of what I was experiencing. Several, however, claimed to be informed about Kundalini. One made a point of stressing
a book she relied on exclusively in her work with spiritual emergence clients. I already owned this book and had
read it several times; it touched upon Kundalini experiences, but its scope fell far short of what I was encountering
in my process.
When I tried acupressurists and other healers, I came up against the same wall. From the tone of several of their voices, I could sense they thought I must be some kind of ditzy weird-cult fanatic.
Actually, in this part of the country, self-acclaimed spiritual "experts" are legion. There is a man here who, by his own admission, has never had a Kundalini awakening, yet he presumes his Ph.D. and years of daily meditation practice are sufficient qualification to offer Kundalini counseling for $90/hour. When my back pain was most agonizing, he gave me a referral to an equally dubious bodyworker who assured me that she had taken courses in working with the chakras and Kundalini. In my desperation for help, I had a session with her in which she "slowed down the energy" and "raised" my "vibration" (which is in itself a contradiction), and in the process, made my injured spine hurt considerably worse. The only change in "vibration" I noticed in myself was outrage at having allowed her to lay her hands on me. As America's interest in metaphysics and multicultural spirituality continues to increase, there has been a proportionate mushrooming of professed authorities on these subjects. Not a few of these self-styled teachers give the insane impression that awakening the Kundalini is some kind of parlor trick that can be easily done over a weekend or in one's spare time. The market abounds with quack self-improvement courses (and books) that promote doing peculiar things to and with the chakras. Fear of association with this circus sideshow contingent of the New Age makes those of us who are experiencing genuine transpyschic phenomena afraid to speak of it.
The sad fact is that few people know much about psychospiritual processes. Those who think
they know are often misinformed. Too many of these ersatz "experts" have rigidly preconceived ideas
about what such experiences are, or how they should manifest. A woman who was experiencing a wide spectrum of
Kundalini phenomena, including occasions where she was bodily levitating, was informed that she could not have
an awakened Kundalini because she was not experiencing heat in her body. Others, clearly undergoing Kundalini
awakenings, were told they were not in a Kundalini process for equally dogmatic reasons: they had no guru; they
were not sitting in a lotus position when the process began; they did not follow the "correct" spiritual
practices or doctrine; they had not attained an instant state of bliss or enlightenment; the energy was not moving
in the "right" direction; the process was taking far too long; there should be no experience of pain
on any level, and so forth. Too often, professed experts offer iron-clad guidance. This can be confusing and
even damaging to the person who acts on this advice. They may be given blanket formulas, such as being told to
eat red meat and sweets (when this is not appropriate to their present biochemical needs), or to exercise heavily
(when they are too sick, weak or exhausted to do so). Those whose own process was overseen by a spiritual teacher
usually insist that such a teacher is necessary, adding to the fear and insecurity of those whose paths do not
include an external "Big Brother" to watch over them. Advisors who are proponents of New Age fundamentalism
may be moralistic and judgmental, compounding guilt, fear and self-doubt for the person in spiritual crisis. Instead
of being given help to deal with her fears, one woman struggling through terrifying psychic plunges was coldly
reprimanded by her healer, who told her she was to blame for this because "You create your own reality."
The adage "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing" could be updated to "A little skill in energy-
transference is a dangerous thing." Two people experiencing Kundalini awakening have told me that after being
given energy by healers, they suffered a drastic intensification of their symptoms. In The Black Butterfly, Richard
Moss tells of a father with an activated Kundalini who was regularly giving energy to his friends and family through
prolonged hugging. This practice inadvertently catalyzed a serious eye disease in this man's five year old son.
(The disease went into remission once the father realized his error and stopped flooding the child with energy.)
While it is true that yin (energy-deficient) conditions can be immensely helped by channeling more energy into
the system, the yang (energy-excess) conditions are worsened by such treatment. Many healers know how to effectively
transfer energy, but not all know when or why this would not be appropriate, and fewer still can accurately distinguish
between a yin and yang imbalance. The best healers often seem to be those who make no attempt to judge what needs
to be changed, but wholly offer themselves as vehicles for the perfect wisdom and power of the Spirit.
The Light Comes Shining
Basically, Kundalini authorities fall into three types: (1) People who have had Kundalini experiences themselves;
(2) Those who have studied, read or heard about Kundalini experiences; (3) Self-proclaimed "enlightened"
but deluded teachers and healers, or the outright con artists who figure that no one really has had a Kundalini
awakening anyway, so nobody will catch on that they are fabricating the whole of their "knowledge" on
this subject. The first type can be a joy to behold or a source of disappointment. Those who have had transformational
experiences themselves are able to give wonderful encouragement and guidance to others. But some among these true
"graduates" turn around and concretize their own process into a litany of "do's and don'ts,"
like Moses returning with stone tablets from the mount. Instead of supporting the uniqueness of another's process,
these self-appointed authorities attempt to correct anyone who is experiencing transformation differently than
they did. Although they can be helpful, some of those who have come by their knowledge entirely through outside
sources are poorly informed. Gopi Krishna lamented the "parrots" who could only quote information they
had read or heard, much of it erroneous and of little use to anyone actually undergoing a Kundalini awakening.
Yet this regurgitation of second-hand fact is highly prized in the West. Much of the misinformation and poor
counsel afforded by even sincere would-be-helpers arises from our cultural bias toward external authority. We
are socially indoctrinated with the idea that what is tangible and outside ourselves is valuable, and what is invisible,
interior and most creative is rubbish.
The body, the indwelling spirit, the intuitive and the psychic are all manifestations of the divine feminine, and trust in the innate wisdom of the feminine is cultural heresy. (Thank God and Goddess, this is gradually changing!) I have been pushed to take yoga classes and do pranayama practices taught by instructors whose sole claim to expertise was the impressive number of years they had been teaching. Never mind that the transhuman intelligent current of the arisen Kundalini was already producing involuntary pranayama breathing patterns and spontaneous yoga asanas in my body. From the masculine vantage point of mastery-through-will-and-effort, this amazing feminine power is seen as unreliable, amateur, and woefully inadequate. The personal wisdom which comes from direct experience is generally regarded far inferior to the skills won from academic education and long training supervised by others. But in a culture which does not honor or understand the nature of spiritual emergence, external dictates are rarely beneficial to those experiencing transformation. Another misunderstanding occurs among those who try to prescribe religious instruction which would be more appropriate for problems encountered in ordinary consciousness. During the intense stages of my process, two people tried to intervene by advising me to "let go" of my experience. This Buddhist emphasis on detachment is a technique designed to quiet the mind so as to invite expansion into an egoless state of higher consciousness. But when one is already in the egoless expanded state, there is nothing further to release! Trying to "let go" of the transcendent experience while it is occurring will not make it go away. Furthermore, no matter how uncomfortable these blown out states may feel (and the intensity of them is hard to bear), trying to push them away or struggling to "come down" from them only increases one's distress. During one six week period, I experienced myself and everything in my environment as a unified, boundariless, overwhelmingly powerful force field. It was as if I was perceiving everything from a sensational atomic level: life reverberating in a vibrating sea of galvanic energy. In this hallowed but blasted-out condition, I was barely able to function, and I wondered if I was going to remain in this fiercely expanded state for the rest of my life. During this period, I was not experiencing mental or emotional breakdown, nor was I wildly manic or self-inflated. To the contrary, this and other heightened planes of consciousness strip me down to a childlike awe and receptivity. Eventually and gradually, through no effort on my part, I returned to normal consciousness. Since then, I sometimes find myself shifting into altered states which last anywhere from a few minutes to a few days. I realize now that this fluidic dancing back and forth between ordinary and heightened states of consciousness is a natural part of the process.
When encountering difficulties, it's hard enough to be going through psychological or physical pain without the additional wound of being told that one is somehow defective or doing something wrong. These processes are not within our conscious control, nor do they easily lend themselves to external manipulation. Unwise counsel and self-appointed critics can produce rather than alleviate problems for us.
Like physical gestation, spiritual rebirth happens at its own natural pace. Kundalini awakenings can cause havoc in one's life for quite a long time. Of course, this is difficult to endure. But there is no safe way to speed up the process. (Once the process has begun, even if it has been initiated by spiritual transmission from a guru, it cannot be controlled by the guru because it is not of his/her creation; the guru is only a vehicle for the energy.) In birth and rebirth, neither the development of the fetus nor the blossoming of the psyche can be directed by human intervention. In both processes, a far greater intelligence than the limited human ego is at work.
The difficulties of the process are not proof that we are falling apart; they are signs
of profound inner growth and change. Although sensitive, aware, and competent healers and counselors can help
"midwife" a rebirth, each unique process will still unfold in its own way, at its own pace. My best
advisors have been those who have encouraged me to respect my own physical, emotional and psychic impulses. I'm
learning to deeply listen and respond to the messages of my own body and psyche. The "treatments" which
have benefited me most have been love, patience and faith. Gradually, I'm letting go of my -- and anyone else's
-- ideas of what my reality should be. Floating in the endless mystery of being, I'm learning to trust in my own
experience.
-- El Collie